i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
