that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
3 2 1 whiskey
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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