Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
