I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
