You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
