she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
