is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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