no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sarcasm needs its own font
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
