ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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