If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
