Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
