So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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