Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
