She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
