I wish I only lived at night.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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