why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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