so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
