I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
