A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
