for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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