She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
