At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
