jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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