I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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