just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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