my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
