Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
