I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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