I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
