Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
