A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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