i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
