You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
