Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
