I showed him my bush... on skype.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
