Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
