Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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