GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
