I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
zippers are such a cool invention
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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