Please don't use social media to get back at me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
