also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
