have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
