He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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