Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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