and i looked up. we had an audience...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
