I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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