So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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