I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
