i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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