My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
