Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
