these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
